#88 | whyarewehereanswer@gmail.com
“Drop by drop is the water pot filled.” — the Buddha
“When the whole world is silent, even one voice becomes powerful.” — Malala Yousafzai
We're confronted with questions and crossroads daily, and it's absurd to think we make rational decisions. It's silly to believe we have the knowledge, discipline, or capacity to be reasonable. More pointedly, we never fully know why we make decisions; we just make them. And when people ask, we invent a story — yet the story is fantastical. If we're good storytellers, we can be somewhat convincing. If we're not, then, well, we're not! And some questions hang heavy over our lives: they are the will we or won't we questions, the where’s and the how’s, and the big Why questions. These are questions no one has ever answered — although people have tried.
A fortnight ago, I was walking down a road I didn't know and came across a shut-down barber shop. Someone has ripped the interior out; its heavy leather chairs lay crooked among cardboard on the floor. The glass exterior was covered, unusually, in pink and white A4 paper. Each slice had "DO YOU KNOW WHY WE ARE HERE?" in large bold font printed at the top. And further down, it read, "If you do, please let us know by emailing us!" Each page had been perforated, as if it was marketing for a local cleaner, with little slips with the email address whyarewehereanswer@gmail.com.
Naturally, I thought this would be a great thing to discuss in our weekly letter, but the weather changed; I rushed off and forgot.
Yet, by chance, I found myself outside the decrepit barber shop again a week later. The universe had undoubtedly led me there for the second time. Why? The rain was starting again; I didn't have time to think, so without hesitation, I tore off a little pink slip, stuffed it in my pocket, and went home.
Since then, that damn pink slip has held attention — why are we here? It's not, I dare say, an easy question to answer. While many have had a stab at it, we can be sure that no one has got it right.
We can find short-term logic to our plans: a child is at school to get an education, and I might be working to pay down a mortgage. Yet when we zoom out, the question becomes befuddling. Our clarity becomes kaleidoscopically complex, and the firm ground we are walking on becomes brittle ice; we're likely to slip right through to madness.
Rather than starting with the affirmative, one approach is to start with the negative. Why aren't we here? I am not here to become rich; this would be a poor way to live. Similarly, I'm not here for your approval, and you're not here for mine. I'm also not here to maximise my short-term gratification — or else we'd soon be drinking whisky for breakfast. This approach scratches a few options, but we don't get much closer to the truth.
One of the few things we can be sure of is having some experience. We can reasonably assume that others around us have an experience too. This experience can be an adventure but may not always be good, and sometimes it may be horrible — especially if we lose a loved one or suffer a tragedy. We're here having an experience, both of us. And therefore, perhaps, the 'Why' is around enhancing, or bathing in, that experience as much as we can. As Dostoyevsky said, life is "Only to live, to live and live! Life, whatever it may be!" There is no right or wrong here, just a being and existing.
If we can't answer this simple question, which is fundamental, what hope do we have of answering any other why question that crosses our bow. But in the context of being, every choice that continues being is the right one! The decision to stay in a job for a lifetime is as correct as changing jobs yearly. Losing your business is as valid as never starting one. Becoming a monk is not wrong, nor is being an accountant.
There is an illusion of right and wrong, good or bad. The norms that are in vogue — animatedly captured in the Daily Mail's (morally) thin pages — still dictate our lives more than listening to ourselves. But does listening to ourselves get us closer to making the correct choice? (Again: right in what context and for whom? — for us).
For me, silence facilitates listening, and therefore knowing. Terzani says, "the most interesting discoveries often came about simply by following a slender thread of possibility…". The quiet helps us to spot those thin threads! Nevertheless, it's comforting to know there is no fundamental wrong if we decide "...to live, to live and live! Life, whatever it may be!"
My week in books
One More Ride on the Merry-Go-Round by Tiziano Terzani. This is an extraordinary book; it may be the best thing I have ever read. Not only is Terzani a brilliantly lucid writer, but his journey into spirituality, accompanied by his (in his words) 'friend' cancer, is gripping and positive. Thank you, Giulia, for the gift! Highly recommended, but warning: it's almost impossible to get hold of in English. From Terzani: "I live now, here, with the feeling that the universe is extraordinary, that nothing ever happens to us by chance and that life is a continuous discovery. And I am particularly lucky because, now more than ever, every day is really one more ride on the merry-go-round." And also: "Don't ask for perfect health. It would be greed. Make suffering your medicine and don't expect a road without obstacles. Without that fire, your light would go out. Use the storm to free you."
The Journey and the Guide by Maitreyabandhu. The author is from the Triratna Buddhist Order, and it's the order I've been visiting when in Berlin. This book is an easy entry into some of their thinking. It's enjoyable, uplifting and nourishing. Recommended!
Live well,
Hector