#67 | New pages and failing to quit
Turning a new page is hard. It's hard to develop a new routine, mindset, perspective or attitude. Few of us move from culture to culture (even when moving from country to country). When we look, we all see what we're used to seeing—not what is different, or possible or better. As Jon Krakauer says:Â
So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservation…
I'd define a 'new page' as a significant re-evaluation and departure from what we are used to doing. Dietarily, going from three croissants a day to two is not a new page, but quitting altogether is. Turning a new page is hard because we focus on the past, not the future. We focus on what we've stopped and known (the croissant), not on what quitting enables (a longer and healthier life). It's backwards-looking and de-motivating. We do Stoptober (for quitting smoking) but don't ‘start’ something simultaneously.Â
Quitting something (cigarettes, drink, or a job) is one of the most challenging things we can do. It's a direct challenge to the status quo; it's breaking through the curtain of today into the bright world of tomorrow. And, while quitting has been made famous, I assume, by the pervasive campaigns to quit smoking, I think it's a fundamentally negative attitude, and the term fails to capture the expansive world that's opened up beyond stopping.
I say all this because I've failed to 'quit' a few things in my life.Â
Cigarettes (many times, but this year most recently)
Drinking (again, many times, but ~2019 most recently)
Jobs (a consultancy, someone else's startup, and my startup in 2019 most recently)
In each of these instances, the focus and framing have been not on the new page, but the past.Â
There are dependencies, too. Quitting drinking alters a tonne of relationships. Less drinking meant, for a while, less 'fun' for me, which meant less socialising with my old friends and a need to find new ones. Leaving a job meant leaving colleagues. Leaving/quitting/failing a startup means forgoing salary and investment (and hope!), and with that moving into a cheaper lodging, or for some, back in with their parents. I found that quitting Otto implied a lack of commitment. Now, I think abandoning it means a commitment to the long term.Â
You'll have noticed on the list above that it's possible to quit many times. Failing to stop is, culturally, seen as worse than not attempting in the first place. There are good reasons we do some of these things: Beck's beer is more of a social lubricant than Beck's Blue beer. Deeply inhaling a Marlborough Lite does feel better than sucking on a JUUL e-cig. They may not be healthy for us, but they are designed to be more-ish. And quitting them even for a day is better than not quitting at all.Â
Yet, failing to do something we at some point set our minds to is culturally equivalent to having a weak personality. It demonstrates a lack of self-control. I'm calling bullshit on this! It's better to have tried a thousand times and still return to a bottle of Beck's when life gives you lemons than to have never tried to turn the page at all.
My week in books
The Mom Test - I spent last week doing many customer interviews for Yokeru. We need to understand how people are using the platform. This book was a fast way to understand the principles behind not asking leading questions. The premise is: How do we ask questions that even our mothers could answer truthfully. For example, don't ask, "is my business idea any good?" — she'd only say yes to that, which is nice, but not 'valuable' information… (link)Â
Into the Wild - Giulia and I read this on the coast in Kilifi, and it was stunning. Chris McCandless walks into the wild to escape the congestion of his (our) human experience. Jon Krakauer, the author, also wrote Into Thin Air, which is equally outstanding. From Into the Wild (per the above letter, bolding is mine):
"make a radical change in your lifestyle and begin to boldly do things which you may previously never have thought of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt. So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservation, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man's living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun. If you want to get more out of life, you must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to you to be crazy. But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and its incredible beauty."
(link)
Song of the week
Live well,Â
H